Thursday, November 19, 2009

The City

AKA "What to do when you work with Olivia... and you don't have a gun handy."

While watching "The City" lately, I have noticed an eery similarity between Olivia and Sara Foster's horrible character, Jen Clark, on "90210" (see the above photos as example A.) So much so that when I try to picture Sara in my head, I can typically only see the image of Olivia. And I always want it to go away... swiftly.

Realizing that there is a real Jen Clark out there initially made me very sad for our world wide community, but then I thought about it on a more local scale. What if you were Erin and you actually had to work with this person? What if you had to deal with this person everyday?! I started to think of some suggestions.

Disclaimer...In no way do I promote violence so let's assume that there aren't any weapons around. (Besides if there were, you probably would have killed yourself long ago. You wouldn't have a chance at zapping Olivia because her brain washed army would surely overtake you in her defense, but you would likely be able to get a clear shot at yourself. Still, I don't think this is the answer). Instead, here are some examples of routes you could take..

#1. Make a drinking game out of it. Since Olivia's minions won't want to play, an office game is out of the question, but a drinking game can easily be played on your own and is just as fun. One drink everytime she speaks in a fake British accent. Two drinks everytime she already knows the person you are introducing her to (three drinks if she met this person in the Hamptons). Three drinks if Joe gives her the ole, "well done" in a meeting you are both in even when you know she couldn't have screwed up the task more. Four drinks if she shows up to work in a blazer. and FIVE drinks everytime she responds to a direct question with any variation of "I didn't know" ("I didn't realize," "you didn't tell me," "no one said" etc. - you get the idea.)

#2. An oldie but a goodie, tape a sign that says "I think I'm better than you" and stick it on her back. The sentiment will still be true even when she finally discovers the note on the back of her blazer, but atleast you will have gotten a few hours of joy out of it first.

#3. Take a page out of "The Real World" team's book from "The Real World/Road Rules Challenge 2000" and send Olivia on some fake missions. "The Real World"-ers had "Road Rules" painting toe nails and burying themselves in the sand, but in this case you could tell Olivia that "Elle" is doing a story on homeless people and send her out to panhandle for a few hours. If that fails, you could go with a simpler approach by making up the names of fake designers who she has to find and interview within the next 3 and a half hours. Better yet, convince her somehow that Ralph Lauren has stopped producing blazers and she should run to the stores and buy a lifetime supply... the sky is the limit here... use your own creativity. These are just suggestions.

#4. Arrive to the office early and hide all of her stuff. When she finally strolls in hours later, give her a confused look and question, "who the hell are you?" Best case scenario, she will retreat for her castle thinking that she never worked there in the first place. Worst case scenario, she's pissed and demands that you return her belongings... either way, it will be really funny.

#5. Buy one of those best friends necklaces and give her the other half. Her confusion and annoyance will be hilarious enough to make this worth the effort. "Erin, what is this supposed to mean?" "umm... that we're best friends Olivia. You can't be that stupid.... even though you did panhandle for a few hours the other day."

And finally suggestion #6. Quit and go work for a magazine that didn't hire Olivia.

Good luck out there Erin.

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