Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The News Cruise


People (who in our eyes have blue hair and play bridge) like to talk about the great Walter Cronkite and his denouncement of the Vietnam War. These people like to tell us about the men who walked on the moon, the Iranian hostages, and the Berlin wall falling down. They remember Barbara Walters interviewing heads of state, the excitement of a special televised broadcast from the White House, the thrill of a hockey victory in 1980, and the agony of their favorite candidates losing their battles for the presidency or announcing that they did not plan to seek reelection. These people lived these things and more. They lived them and they saw them, and they did that in large part because of televised news. It is often said that the Kennedy/Nixon debate was proclaimed a victory for Nixon by those people who heard it on the radio (that thing that plays music out of the dashboard of your car), but was placed as a check mark in the Kennedy corner for those people who watched it on television. And that says enough. TV changed news. What I'm sure people like Cronkite and Pat Weaver didn't anticipate though was news itself would change, and the word "great" would be used only sparingly, and in past tense, to describe something that had existed only long ago.

Ted Turner might have been a visionary. In 1980, right in the midst of hostages, Olympic boycotts, an election, and the growing popularity of the microwave oven; an all day, everyday, channel dedicated exclusively to all things world wide news was a forward thinking concept. Years before Al Gore would invent the Internet, a 24/7 televised news channel was the best way to stay up to date with information as it unfolded throughout the day. CNN started out by showing viewers footage of global crises, asked citizens about their opinions, and told us about the things that seemed to really matter. These guys stationed themselves in Flordia after the Challenger disaster and donned night vision goggles to take us into Desert Storm. Whatever the news of the day, they were there, and because of them, we were all there too.

The channel is still with us, but the news has changed. So then the question is raised, has the news changed to reflect the demand of society? or has society changed as a result of the so-called news that it's given? This could be tougher than the one about the chicken or the egg. I remember watching "The Today Show" as a kid and learning about the struggles and triumphs impacting citizens across the world. About the war in Bosnia and the Million Man March in Washington D.C. I had an informed opinion about Bill Clinton at age 9, and was given the opportunity to read an essay that I had written on gun control on air at CNN at age 10. Then the other day, at age 24, I was watching the same news magazine program that has been in existence since 1952, and I continued to learn. This time, in "Today"s world, instead of hearing about the realities of Obama's surge into Afghanistan or the bombing in the Middle East, I was introduced to a couple who attempted to crash a White House dinner, a dinner that I can only assume was also attended by influential and above all, invited, guests. And rather than simply giving me the names of the party crashers, I was also provided with an in-depth analysis into whether or not there was a White House insider secretly pulling for their admittance into the event. I have heard this story before, and I'm pretty sure this White House insider was staying at a hotel located at 2650 Virginia Avenue. I also now know that John Edwards did in fact father a baby named Quinn while his wife is fighting cancer, and I know that one of Obama's economic advisors is engaged to a new girlfriend despite the fact that he just fathered a baby with an old girlfriend. I can't remember his name, and I don't know what he does, but I do know that he insists that the relationship started after he had broken up with baby mama # 2 (he already has children from a previous marriage), and that's what I got from the story.

As far as recent events go, I can't help but to think of the balloon boy (maybe it's because of my bright yellow T-shirt that reads, "Go Falcon, Go") when I think of the evolution of news over the last 10, 20, and 50 years. Even after Balloon Hoax 2009 was exposed to its most inner core, every news outlet in America was still willing to give the crooks, who would eventually be tried in federal court, the full fifteen minutes that they had been seeking. When the balloon came down, with no kid inside, and the whole thing began to unravel, the media didn't shun these lowlives, they wanted them more. It didn't matter that the parents had wasted the time of the National Guard or that the story wasn't true, it was news. It was the news we wanted. It was when I saw the boy literally throw up on "Good Morning America" and then upchuck again on "The Today Show," and then heard a guy discuss both instances of puke through the box in my car that usually only plays music, that I began to think about how this kind of thing could have happened.

The story initially reminded me of Jessica McClure, tiny "Baby Jessica," who fell into a well in her Midland, Texas yard on an October day in 1987. Notwithstanding the obvious questions, "were these people Amish? Who the hell used a well in 1987?", this event helped CNN land itself as a household name as it televised the unfolding drama without any interruption. All news, all the time, that's CNN. Therefore, the 2009 balloon incident seemingly stayed pretty true to CNN's initial purpose. A kid was in danger, and CNN was going to keep us with them until that kid was saved (or until he was scraped off of a freeway somewhere between Colorado and Nebraska). It wasn't until I thought about the differences between the two incidences that I realized that the discrepencies between them sum up the change not only in news but in our society as well. In 2009, a family wanted a balloon to lift it to a life of fame and fortune by taking us all for a ride, and the media was right there, just as eager to use the story for its own self-promotion. While in 1987... a family just wanted to get its kid out of a well.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Party Planning


Ever since I heard Steve Urkel explain on his one-episode stint of "Full House" that he was born during the year of America's bicentennial, I knew I was sorry that I had missed this great event of 1976. As someone who doesn't think that there is any real purpose for any of the other so called "nations" to be taking up our land on earth, as a person who still thinks of the British, Japanese, and Soviets as permanent enemies, and as a proud patriot who outright rejects foreign art and culture, any excuse to funnel beer, play country music, light fireworks, and wave a flag from the back of my Chevy while eating McDonalds and flag cake is a holiday for me. And I have always been certain that the bicentennial was just the kind of event that must have encouraged this kind of outlandish American spirit, and a big "screw you" attitude to any of these other so-called "countries" who for the most part, have been around much longer than 200 years yet have failed to invent the fast food restaurant, strip mall, mega-church, or even one stop shopping. To think that Napoleon never got to shop at a Wal-Mart, I could never be friends with a man like that. Rather than spending millions of dollars on a NASA-type program that sent their men to the moon with one of their flags to plant on its surface, the un-American morons invented something called "universal healthcare" giving away money to their people to use here on earth so that they could do things like go to the doctor and get medicine. Oh yeah guys? As if taking care of your citizens on a day to day basis is really "one giant leap for mankind." These other (mostly non-English speaking) places are not for me, and for many years now, I have been very upset that I missed the granddaddy of Independence Day celebrations, the one where I really could have illustrated my love for these 50 states, and I missed it by a mere 9 and a half years. Therefore, I have made it my life's goal to live to see July 4, 2076, at 90 and a half years old. It is my mission, and I have chosen to accept it, to salute the Statue of Liberty (or atleast still be breathing) for America's tricentennial. I have started to tell anyone who will listen to me about my plans to be at the tricentennial, and I have been met with a varying degree of responses. Some people, a lawyer who graduated from Harvard for instance, suggested that I would have to be over 120 to make it to 2100. Another person thought that the bicentennial occurred in the 80's. Nonetheless, I don't let these should-be Mensa members deter me from my goals, and I have also found a slew of supporters who have given me tips about health and longevity (eat carrots, avoid plastic, cell phones, the sun, aspertame, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, too much red wine, not enough red wine, milk chocolate, non-organic meat, caffeine, R rated movies - you get the picture). One such aid in my quest even went so far as to Google the tricentennial for me, and I was absolutely shocked by what she found. As it turns out, I am not the only one with my sights set on 2076. In fact, there is an organizing committee (http://www.2076.org/) already in the works... for the event which will not occur for another 66 years. Naturally, I contacted the other friends of the tricentennial, and I would like to share with you my attempt at outreach. (I have not yet received a response, so if any of you know Mary of the 2076 committee, please pass along my contact info)...

Hi Mary,

I see that you are on the committee for the 2076 celebrations. What exactly is this group doing as far as the planning for the event goes? I am very interested in the tricentennial, and as I am currently 23 years old, in very good health, and have strong spirit, I think my chances of making it to our nation's 300th birthday are very good. If there is anything specific that you would like me to do when I get to 2076, please let me know. I want to see your group's wishes carried out in the event that not all of your members make it. Please let me know if you need any help in the current year as well in regards to the organizing and the planning as I believe it is never too early to start preparations for such large gatherings - I make a mean Jell-O mold for instance. Which actually brings up a good point, we should probably start stocking up on items we might want at the party like Jell-O and TAB. Since it is already difficult to get TAB, I would think we would certainly not be able to buy it day-of. Unfortunately, Clear Pepsi and New Coke are already out of the question. I am also good at anticipating upcoming trends, so I will not only be an asset today, but in the coming years as well. I will not provide my cell phone number because in 2076 I suspect that you will simply be able to chant "Catherine" and I will materialize. Since the name is steadily falling off the popularity charts, I don't anticipate much confusion because I will likely be one of the few "Catherine"s left - although they probably said the same thing about "Emma" a few years back... so who knows.

Anyway, I would love to help, and I am already looking forward to the big event. Please keep in touch.

Catherine