"The trick is to make them laugh with you..."

"... before they can laugh at you." - Jaleel White in "Stephanie Got Framed." - "Full House," January 25, 1991. I took this advice to heart, so when Stephanie got glasses, I wore sunglasses. When Stephanie wore a side half ponytail, I wore a side half ponytail. When Stephanie sang "The Sign" in the talent competition at the Smash Club, I walked around singing "The Sign" at church. In fact, when asked "oh, you like Ace of Base?" by an older kid, rather than playing it off as a badass third grader who knew the songs on the radio, I replied, "um no." I didn't like Ace of Base - I had never heard of Ace of Base. I liked Stephanie Tanner, and I wanted to be just like her.

Although I am six months (... and a day - I promise I'm not really crazy) older than the Olsen duo, I always felt way too cool and mature (clearly if we are using this post as an example) to be a fan of baby Michelle. (And as a "Full House" purist who loved the show as a whole, I detested it when kids called the show "Michelle"). Then there was D.J. I always knew D.J. with her pillow person, Paula Abdul poster, and private phone line was the epitome of a cool teenager, but she was a little too old for me to relate to. So I naturally turned to Stephanie as my hero - a few years older than me and totally rad with awesome clothes and an even cooler attitude. In my book, Stephanie ruled. (and Jodie Sweetin is one of the best child actors of all time - seriously, the kid memorized lines when she was four - who does that... even if she couldn't spell mnemonic).

So with all the love I had for Jodie Sweetin, you can only imagine my excitement when I was visiting my cousins in Massachusetts circa 1992 and saw a commercial on TV that caught my attention. Jodie Sweetin was going to be signing autographs at the local mall! (I recently read in her book that this experience wasn't fun for her - go figure, but to me, it was the thrill of a lifetime, so for my sake, thanks for putting up with it Jodie).

My older cousin, knowing how much I loved the show, asked our parents if we could go and for some reason, they agreed. I put on my best outfit - a polka dotted button up sweatshirt with coordinated polka dotted shorts, layered up my socks - a different color on top for each foot, and my cousin curled and feathered my hair. I wanted to look just right for my big meet and greet with Jodie.

We drove over to the mall where we saw a huge line and a giant purple dinosaur. (Later when Barney became popular, my mother would claim that we had seen Barney before he hit it big, but this was a generic purple dinosaur - it was not Barney). We got in line, and as I recall, I waited patiently like the absolute angel that I always was. I waited and waited. My cousin asked me what I was going to say to Jodie when I got to the front of the line. "Are you gonna tell her you watch her show?" She asked. Hmm.. i hadn't thought about that. I decided that I would tell Jodie that I loved her show.

Once I could see Jodie sitting at her table, I became increasingly nervous. I didn't know her! And you couldn't just go up and talk to a cool 10 year old!.. even if she is sitting at a table with the sole purpose of saying hello to her fans... I thought, "am I going to tell her I like her show?" - Like hell I am. I definitely wanted to speak to Jodie, but by the time I handed her the black and white photo that her people had given me to have her sign, I was completely frozen. I have no idea if anyone in my family ever spoke to her (although I'm certain that they did because who in their right mind couldn't muster up a simple greeting), but I know I didn't... I just stood there like a deer in the headlights of a VW bus. Although I still think it's too bad that I choked, I still remember the event fondly (as evidenced by the fact that I am still talking about it... 17 years later). If I could say something to Jodie Sweetin now, it would be "thanks for contributing to my childhood - you will always be my first TV hero... and I may or may not still have your autographed black and white photo framed and hanging on my wall." Here's to you Jodie Sweetin. With or without Mr. Bear, as D.J. once said, "you're a cool kid." And as far as I'm concerned,you always will be.

In The Beginning

On March 19, 1990, at exactly 4 years, 3 months, and 7 days old, my life was changed. This evening in Connecticut was a “Friday night,” the “moon was bright” – I was about to “have some fun,” they were going to show me “how it’s done” – and I was going to get to watch it again and again because THIS was the night that my mother not only gathered the family around to watch - but instead decided to record TGIF on ABC – most specifically, “Full House” – my one true love.

As the legend goes, my toddler self would become so distraught with the extreme and bitter disappointment of returning home from a Friday night dinner only to find that we had missed "Full House," that my mother was left with only two logical options – either encourage me to read a book and play with toys or dust off the best and most fancy gadget the 1980’s could buy. I’m convinced that there are few people in the world who got as much use out of the VCR as our family did – and the fact that our remote was attached to the box with a cord only gave us momentum since we never succumbed to the inevitable search for the VCR controller. To this day, in 2009 – I still make it my mission to keep the blank tape industry alive – buying out the stock whenever I see the tapes sitting alone and abandoned at drugstores across the greater Los Angeles area… and I trace this obsession back directly to that cold March night in 1990.

Eventually, with my “Full House” and “Family Matters” collections already in full swing, I knew I had no choice but to expand my library. I went through elementary school completely unable to understand why anyone would NOT tape something. “Saved by the Bell” – check, “The Brady Bunch” – it’s an American classic. The Olympics, the 1999 All Century Baseball Team, season finales of shows I had never seen – you never know when you will want to watch it again, or in some cases – at all.

I became so engrossed with collecting moments of America’s television history that by middle school, I was scouring Al Gore’s newest invention, the internet, to find the tapes of things that I had always wanted – the 1988 Olympic Games, the 1986 World Series, those pesky episodes of “Beverly Hills, 90210” that never seemed to find their way onto WGN… I wanted it all. I also began selling tapes on Ebay, years before boxed sets had cornered the market. I was a kid who could have a friend sleep over only after I had “cleaned up my tapes.”

There were two times that I remember being grounded from television: once for a week during the “Saved by the Bell” years and another time, for 2 weeks in 1997, during the “90210” phase (that never ended). The “90210” grounding came with more lenient conditions – I was allowed to tape the reruns during the day as long as the television was off, and I could watch the new episode on Wednesday... and trust me, this was punishment enough.

Because of a tragic incident relating to the May 4, 1993 broadcast of the "Full House" episode “Prom Night,” I no longer trusted my amateur recording skills to edit out commercials, so I recorded them all, and I started learning and loving jingles. Shave n Fun Ken, Suzi Strech, Quaker Instant Grits… – I very unfortunately still know them all and sadly for the undeserving people around me at the time, I still sometimes break out my repertoire when I am bored at work or in line at public places – usually interspersed with theme songs (my favorites are “Who’s the Boss?”, “Perfect Strangers”, and “Phenom” – yes, “Phenom”, keyword: “Judith Light” – let the googling begin). I began to truly love commercials, so when Tiffani-Amber Thiessen hosted “The Greatest Commercials of All Time,” I recorded that too. Mean Joe Green, Hey Mikey, Where’s the Beef? You can’t stump me on any outdated references that I should be too young to understand.

Always hip to the recording innovations, I bought a Tivo with babysitting money in high school, but it wasn’t the same. For “gotta have” moments, I knew that tape was the only way to go. A dvd could be inadvertently scratched beyond repair, but even on cracked tapes, “Growing Pains” can still "show me that smile" on demand. Sure, there were missteps along the way (anyone ever heard of “Titans”?), but for the most part, I stand behind my choices… “Primetime” episodes, complete seasons of “The Real World”, “Barbara Walters’ 20 Years At ABC”, the balloon boy puking on “The Today Show.” Digital recording now assists in my cause - I can record it all, but tape only what I absolutely need – with a safety net that makes it possible to be 100% commercial free.

When my parents moved in 2008, I cut down my collection by over 200 tapes, but I still have plenty of overflowing boxes. And I concede that the boxed sets of shows like “Friends” help me to find the episode that I want to watch in a much shorter amount of time – and without all the crying and yelling that inevitably comes with a search for the tape labeled “did that say outgoing?” (my clever name for “The One Where No One’s Ready”). I don’t know which section of the OCD spectrum I fall on, but I would be curious to find out if there are any experts out there. Until medical help intervenes, I will be out there, taping and loving television, and it all comes back to my favorite family, The Tanners, because on March 19, 1990, this fun loving bunch officially became the headliners of tape # 1.